Whose stupid idea was it to import the sinister clowns from the USA?
That's another thing to add to the list of things of which I'm scared. Not satisfied with a roll-call that already includes spiders, heights, any furry creatures smaller than my hand (mice, rats etc), snakes, worms and slugs I now have to add clowns.
I've never been keen on clowns, although they haven't made my list before now.
I didn't like Ronald McDonald - probably why I hadn't eaten a McDonalds before the age of about 16, that and the fact that's when they opened up in Kettering town centre I imagine.
Then there was the BBC testcard girl with the chalkboard and her clown that used to appear when your TV service was playing up - thanks for bringing that back in Life on Mars just as I'd managed to erase that particular memory - so double freak out, your telly's not working properly and there's a clown staring at you.
But this new craze brings a whole new level of terror. Seriously, who thinks that it's ok to dress up as a clown - which ranks as one of the most common phobias in the UK anyway - and then either jump out or chase some unsuspecting member of the public down the road brandishing what may or may not be a real weapon?
What if they surprise somebody with an underlying heart condition and then that person has a heart-attack and dies? Suddenly a prank turns into a manslaughter charge.
I've heard unconfirmed reports of somebody locally dressed as a 'killer clown' sitting on a swing in a children's play park singing nursery rhymes. That's not funny, that's not clever - it's just creepy and weird and could mentally scar a young child.
There are some things that just shouldn't be imported from across the Atlantic. Donald Trump's 'locker room' attitude to women is one, so-called 'killer clowns' are another.