I hate having to watch the news trying to work out which is the joke story.
I'll be honest, I thought the 'seven-a-day' for fruit and veg was one initially.
When I came downstairs, husband announced what he'd heard we had to increase fruit and veg intake, and told me that a portion of fruit and veg was 400 grams.
I did point out to him that a punnet of grapes was 500 grams, so if you ate four or five of those a day you'd be always on the loo.
Luckily it appears he'd got confused - in fairness, he had watched the news at 6.30am - and the five-a-day total equated to 400 grams (note to self cancel order of shares in Charmin).
That's part of the problem though really isn't it?
We've been told five-a-day for so long, but what exactly is a portion?
I believe it's a handful of grapes or cherry tomatoes, one apple, one banana etc, but I'm really not sure.
Apparently potatoes don't count - they're a carbohydrate - but sweet potatoes do.
See, it's really confusing isn't it?
Then there's all the conflicting advice we get too - is red wine still good for us? I think tea is. Dark chocolate is supposed to be better for us than milk chocolate etc.
Sugar is now supposedly really bad - 'the Devil's dandruff' is how I've heard it described - but I'm not keen on those chemicals they put in drinks instead of sugar either.
Perhaps the scientists could come up with a definitive list of what we can and can't eat and drink please.
Until then, I'll drink my tea how I've always drunk it - builder strength, white, one sugar. I like living dangerously...